BILLY              What do you want? 

ELF                 I’m just here to tick you off my list. 

ALICE              List? What list? 

ELF                 (shows clipboard)  The DDI list of course! 

BILLY               DDI list? 

ELF                 Yep. It’s been going a while now. Well we need it don’t we, with the population growing so quickly. Poor old Santa just doesn’t have time to visit all the homes in the world any more, so we have to make cutbacks. 

ALICE             Cutbacks? What do you mean? 

BILLY              And what does DDI stand for? 

ELF                 Didn’t you read the brochures? Every house was sent one. You must’ve binned it, or used it to light the fire or something. DDI stands for Don’t Deserve It. You see, having looked at this year’s budget, it was decided that more drastic cutbacks were needed, and Stourport was chosen as this year’s target by MEAN. 

ALICE              MEAN? 

ELF                 Yes, MEAN, Ministry of Elves And Nomes. I thought everybody knew that. 

BILLY              But gnomes is spelt with a G! 

ELF                 There you go, moaning again! Anyway, in view of financial resources available, only deserving children in Stourport will be eligible for MPRs this year. 

ALICE              MPRs? What are they? 

ELF                 Material Performance Rewards. You probably know them as presents, or prezzies. And I’m afraid you’re on my hit list. 

BILLY              Hit list? 

ELF                 Yep, so you might as well go to bed and stop worrying, because you, Billy, are not going to get your bike, and you, Alice, are not going to get your... let’s see .... weekend in Barbados with Tom Cruise in a five-star hotel, all expenses paid. 

ALICE              I didn’t ask for that! 

ELF                 Oh, sorry, wrong one. (consults list again) Aah, you won’t get your .... pony. 

ALICE              No pony?!? 

ELF                 Sorry love, but rules are rules.