Ashton Villa have got to their first ever  FA Cup semi, one step away from Wembley, and are playing West Humm. But time is running out. Only one man can save them:  Norman Knight, a transfer from Stockpot County in 1895. Our commentator Des, and his not very talkative summariser, Ray, take up the story ......

....... and as we go into the last moments of this epic FA Cup semi it looks as if Ashton Villa are about to go out. One-nil down and with star player Rich Bird flat out on the ground after a bad foul. What do you think Ray? Is Villa’s proud cup run about to end?

It looks that way, Des.      

But hang on, is that time-travelling superstar Norman Knight I see about to come onto the pitch, Ray?

Yes, I think so Des.

He’s putting his book down (after putting his bookmark in first), finishing his beef sandwich and stepping out onto the pitch. What an odd sight he is, with his slick hair, twirling tash, long shorts, wooden shinpads and army boots.

Very odd, Des.

He’s got the ball now and is dribbling rings round the defence. He shoots ..... the ball hits Lumplard’s hand ..... penalty! And Lumplard is sent off!

Norman Knight has won a penalty in the last seconds of the match. But what’s going on? Norman’s angry. He’s telling the ref off! “Nonsense!” he’s saying. "It's not a penalty!" But the ref is in no doubt. It is a penalty, and Knight will take it himself. Astonishing! What do you think, Ray?

It’s astonishing, Des.  

But what’s Norman doing? He seems to be saying sorry to the goaly. He’s patting him on the back and wishing him luck. Now he’s turning away from the goal. He’s shooting at the corner flag! Astounding! Norman Knight has kicked the ball at the corner flag.  Ray?

Astounding, Des. 

There isn’t a sound round the ground. Sixty thousand fans are stunned. But the match has started again, and with just seconds to go Villa are on the attack. The ball is bouncing about by the West Hum goal, Knight pounces and sends it crashing into the back of the net. That's it! That's the end of the game! The West Hum men are on their knees. The Villa lads are jumping on Knight, trying to hug him and kiss him, but he’s pushing them off. What’s he saying, Ray? 

He’s telling them to be men, not silly infants, Des. He’s telling them to show respect for the Hummers and help them off the ground. 

Astonishing. He’s asking them to say thanks to the ref!                                                                   And now the Villa fans are chanting. “One Norman Knight!                                               

There’s only one Norman Knight!” they’re singing. 

They’re right there, Des!