REP                I'm inside the Sumeria branch of B and Q, where Noah - we haven't found out his surname yet - has come to do his shopping. I'm going to see if I can get a word with him. Scuse me, Mr Noah? 

NOAH             Hm? 

REP                I'm Roger Jackson from NBC News. We believe you're planning to build a giant boat! 

NOAH             Ark. 

REP                I beg your pardon? 

NOAH             Ark. It's not a boat, it's an Ark. 

REP                Could you tell us why you're building this boat? 

NOAH              Ark. 

REP                Sorry….Ark. 

NOAH             Yes of course,. It's very simple. God told me to. 

MRS N            'Ere, Noah, are you going to be long, we've got to get to Tesco's yet to get all the food in. 

NOAH              Won't be a minute love, just chatting to this bloke from the telly. 

MRS N             Oooh, from the telly, eh? Did you hear that kids, this gentleman's from off the telly. 

HAM                 Ooooooh! Are you famous then? 

SHEM              Can I have your autograph? 

JAPH               Do you know Ant and Dec? 

NOAH              Do you mind?? He's supposed to be interviewing me! 

MRS N             Oooh! 'ark at 'im! Mister Celebrity! 

NOAH              I'm just trying to hold a decent conversation, that's all. 

HAM                 Mam, when are we goin' to Tesco's? 

MRS N             In a moment dear …. 

HAM                 I want some sweets! 

SHEM              I want a packet of crisps! 

JAPH               I want a banana milk shake with raspberry sauce on the top. 

MRS N             I want, I want, I want! How many times have I told you? I want doesn't get!! 

NOAH              (shouts) Well I want some peace and quiet, so push off and leave me alone, will you!?! 

OTHERS         (stunned silence, then…)   Ooooh!!!