JOE                 Phew! ….. Nearly there (gasp) …. so tired …. mustn't look down …. last few feet …. ah, at last - owwwww!!! 

RUMBAG        'Ere, what's that I trodded on? An' what's that 'orrid 'owlin??? 

JOE                 It's me, madam, and it was my fingers that you stepped on. 

RUMBAG        (crossly)  Well you shouldn't get in the way of my feet then, should you?! Good job I'm such a dainty little gal, innit? 

JOE                 (gazing up at her ginormous body) Er, yes, madam, it is indeed. And lease don't worry about my fingers, I don't think                         any of them are too badly  broken. 

RUMBAG        Oh, I ain't worryin', don't you worry! 

JOE                 Oh. Er, good. 

RUMBAG        Only I doesn't like little boys to be 'urt nor in pain….. 

JOE                 No, I'm sure you don't. 

RUMBAG        …. 'cause they don't taste so good. 

JOE                 (worried) Ahaa. So … you … eat little boys? 

RUMBAG        No, not often I don't, no. 

JOE                 Oh good. 

RUMBAG        Only when I can't get no little girls. See, girls is tastier, on account of 'em bein' prettier and softer, like. 

JOE                 I - I see. 

RUMBAG        But there ain't bin no little girls round 'ere for a good while now. 

JOE                 No?                

RUMBAG         Naah! Must be three weeks since I last scoffed one! In fact, three weeks Satdy it'll be, 'cause I remember                             them Ant an' Dec was on telly when I nearly choked on 'er scarf.     

JOE                 (very worried) Oh. Oh dear, how horrid for you. 

RUMBAG        Yerrss. Luckily I managed to swaller it down, and eventually out it popped the other end. Nice checked one it                          was. Want to try it on?