This extended text was chosen to end the Fresh Start series.                   It incorporates characters from earlier units as suspects in a               grand theft investigation.

”So what do you think, Inspector Spratt?”

“The front door appears to have been battered down, Sir Clive. No messing about with the lock, just plain brute force. Take a man of enormous power to do a thing like that.”

“You mean …… Hank Stock?”

“Stock’s dead, Sir Clive. Difficult to commit a robbery from twenty feet underneath Rick’s Gift Shop, Dallas. Let’s stick to living suspects, shall we?”

“Who then?”

“Well, from the traces of powder, it looks like the safe door’s been torn off with high explosives. Not a big charge – just enough to bring off the door without destroying the contents. What was in the safe, Sir Clive?”

“£50 000 in cash, plus gold and silver jewels …… and my valuable collection of DVDs.  All gone.”

“DVDs, you say?”

“That’s right. About 300, various classic films.”

“That could be just the clue we’re looking for, Sir Clive.”

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“Is this some sort of joke, Spratt? Cos if it is it ain’t funny!”

“No joke, pal. I want answers, and I want them fast.”

“You’re barking up the wrong tree then, Inspector.”

“The cash and the jewels, Big Malc. What have you done with them?”

“I’ve told you!”

“Tell me again.”

“I haven’t got them, and I ain’t never had them. Until you dragged me here tonight I’d never set foot in this place.   Jewels and money aren’t my game.”

“But DVDs are, Big Malc, and grand theft can easily follow if       a man’s desperate enough.”

“Look, Pratt – “

“That’s Spratt, Big Malc.”

“Pratt, Spratt, what’s a letter between friends, eh? Anyway, as I was saying, I may be a crook, but how am I supposed to pull a stunt like this? How could these weedy little arms batter down a door that size? It’s impossible! You can see I ain’t no body builder! Pressing the buttons on the remote’s the hardest training I’ve done in the last ten years. Plus the fact that I only got back from flogging my latest batch of nicked  DVDs in Manchester today.  Oops! You didn’t hear that, did you? What I mean is I only just returned from a successful sales trip to the north of England.”

“I know what you mean, Big Malc. I’m not a complete idiot.”

“Really inspector? You could’ve fooled me. Look, you can’t pin this job on me and you know it. If I were you I’d start with those strands of hay covering the carpet. Bit odd, don’t you think?”

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“This is ridiculous! If I had a lawyer I’d demand to see him. What’s it all about, Inspector?”

“Grand theft, that’s what it’s about. And hay.”

“Hay? So look for a horse!”

“Horses are bright, but not that bright. No, the hay points to only one man. Devious, cunning ……. and nasty. Just about sums you up, doesn’t it, Rumpelstiltskin?”

“Devious I may be, Inspector, but I’m no thief.”

 “Maybe not in the past, Rumps, but you could change. You’re the sort who would stop at nothing to get what you want. And you’re mighty strong for a small man.”

“Granted, Splatt.”

“Spratt!”

“Whatever. But you’re missing one important point, inspector.”

“And what’s that?”

“Explosives don’t exist in my world. I’m fiction. Nursery fiction. Strictly no explosives. I’m not your man Splatt, but I reckon I know who is.”

“Come on, spill the beans, shorty.”

“No need to get personal, Splatt. If you had my nose you’d have the robber behind bars by now.”

“What are you rattling on about, Stilts?”

“That smell, Splatt. I’d recognise it anywhere …....…. beef sandwich.”

                                               ……………………………………………………………..

“Now then Norman – “

“Mr Knight, if you please, Inspector.”

“Very well ……. Mr Knight. Where exactly were you on the night of 5^th May?”

“Is that 5^th May 2008, 1988, 1948 or 1908, Inspector?”

“Cut the nonsense, Knight, I haven’t got the time.”

“You  may not have the time, Inspector Spurt, but I certainly have. I’m a time-travelling superstar, remember? On May 5^th 1908, for example, I was playing in the FA Cup Final for Stockpot County. In 2008, on the other hand, I was at an after-match dinner following Ashton Villa’s Cup victory over Chillsea Chuffers.”

“The theft took place after midnight, Knight. Plenty of time to get here from London. You’re strong, too. Strong enough to hammer down a door, maybe. I hear you’re still on 1908 wages. Five shillings a week doesn’t go very far these days. £50 000 though, that’s a different story. And then there’s the sandwich. Can’t resist a good beef sandwich, so I’m told.”

“When you put it like that, it sounds so believable, Inspector. But you’re overlooking one thing.”

“Go on, surprise me.”

“I’d just eaten a 10-course dinner at the Ritz Hotel, including twelve portions of roast beef. I may be a big eater, Spot, but I have my limits. Are you seriously saying that I left the Ritz, sped down here from London, robbed the safe, then made myself comfortable with a nice home-made beef sandwich? When my belly was already fit to burst and the police might arrive at any moment? Incredible!  You’re looking in the wrong direction, Spit.”

“The name’s Spratt, Mr Knight ! S-P-R-A-T-T. SPRATT!!!”

“I do beg your pardon, Sprott. Remembering names is always tricky when you’re constantly flitting about from one century to another. Anyway, I’m afraid I really must be on my way, Inspector. I have a photo shoot for a hair spray advert with some chap called Bockham.  But may I leave you with a word of advice? That shred of torn tartan fabric under the table just might be the clue you’re after.”

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 “Theft!? Who is it that dares to stand before me and question me about theft? A brave and strong man, I trust, or I’ll separate his empty English head from his worthless body with one mighty swing of my axe!”

 “Easy, easy, Mr Macbeth, no need to lose your cool. I must tell you that I have fifteen armed men outside in case of problems.”

“Fifteen? Ha!  Do not insult the true King of Scotland, you feeble English pup!      I’ll smash their miserable heads, rip out their stinking guts and feed them to          the crows! I’ll pluck out their - “

“Can we get back to the theft please, Mr Macbeth? I take it you deny that you are responsible for stealing the money and jewels?”

“Aye, that I do. Have ye no peepers in that foolish head of yours? Have ye not seen the footprint that lies outside yonder window? Tis that of a giant, a man      I’d be proud to have in my army, to march alongside into battle against the foul English scum. A true monster of a man!”

“Hm. A monster of a man, you say? Or maybe just …….. a monster.”

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“We’ve sent out a description to units up and down Britain, and set up checkpoints on all roads, airports and seaports, sir. He won’t get far. Not a man his size, with scars all over his face. Too obvious. We’ll soon have the thief behind bars sir, don’t you worry.”

“Thank you, Boggins. You can go now.”

“Size, Spratt?”

“Yes, Sir Clive. It hit me as soon as Macbeth mentioned the footprint. There’s only one man that could leave that print and  batter down that front door. But I don’t think Frankenstein’s monster worked alone on this job. He had the power, but not the brains.”

“What do you mean?”

“The monster was here, but not to steal the jewels. He and the real thief hid in the barn until the coast was clear, that’s the reason for the hay on the floor. The monster smashed down the door, then was probably paid off and left. The thief entered the house, set the explosives and stole the contents of the safe. But there was one problem. She realised there was a witness.”

“She? You think this was a woman’s work?”

“I’m sure of it, Sir Clive. Did you notice the fishy stain on that shred of fabric ……….. and the empty hamster cage?”

“Kevin! Nooooooo!!!”

“I’m afraid you won’t be seeing Kevin again, Sir Clive. He put up a real fight, biting and scratching, even ripping a scrap of tartan cloth from the thief’s jacket, but in the end he had no chance. He was taken into the kitchen and ……….. disposed of.”

“You don’t mean …….?”

“Sorry Sir Clive, but that smell was no beef  sandwich.”

“Aaaaagggghhhhh!!!!”

“Pull yourself together, Sir Clive. If we take the next train we should arrive in London before Celia Smith’s live TV show begins. We’ll get her to cook us dinner. A tasty hot meal ……. from a vicious, cold thief!”